Life sucks Vol 1

Well my wife and I are finally trying to have kids and here's the story so far. Crystal went to her specialist and everything checks out. Of course it was not all that quick. She had to go for blood work and hormone testing and vaginal exams so she by no means has had it easy. But so far I have had to submit to a fair number of pokes and prods my self. It started pretty simple jack off in to cup, which showed a azeo sperm count (no sperm at all). Well okay on to the urologist. What can I say its my own personal hell. I get a seemingly homosexual man I have to pay to examine me in a fashion that conjures up the dirty uncle scenario. Hi I'm doctor finger pull your pants down and let me see what's going on down here. He says well your nuts are a lot bigger then I thought they would be with an azeo sperm count. Then a little squeeze of the sack and on went the jelly to check my pulse on my balls!!!! God that was cold. Well so far so good. Doc says everything's looking okay. Well off to the next beat off in a cup parade. Here's a recipe for embarrassment office full of women and half a sleep me. They show me where the bathroom is so that I can collect the specimen, yeah weird hospital crapper. Upon Exiting the bathroom I ring a bell and the woman passing me yells order up(god I wanted to die). Then stand around like a fucking idiot until finally a woman tells me I'm free to go ( thank you, god I need a Smoke). Well on to the urologist two weeks later, And a whole new world of fun and entertainment . They say well another azeo sperm count and that they want to try something to see if there's a blockage. I figure okay I want to have a family lets do it off to the front desk and I receive my complimentary Tylenol and enema oh fuck what did I agree to. Well onto the next appointment, and more fun then you should ever have with a Doctor EVER.... They Bring Crystal and me in back. Once again a have to drop my pants only now I get to lay on my side and (wholly shit that's cold fucking A) now I get to here those amazing words I could live two more lifetimes without ever hearing again "I'm Going To Shove My Finger In This May Hurt Okay Now Alittle Further". I just wanted to die. My loving wife tried not to giggle. Then in went the probe my wife assures me it was a medical probe not just captain fruity' s magic wand. Well that's was refreshing nothing like paying a complete stranger to give the prison inmate treatment. I need a beer after that. On the plus side at no point did Mr.Tokar say hello at this appointment. Well now I set Forth for a biopsy on my balls to see if any sperm exist in my huge balls or if its just vacant property.